Showing posts with label Keller. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Keller. Show all posts

Monday, August 26, 2013

Not the Level but the Object

"People think that we are saved by a strong belief and trust in and love for God, along with a life committed to Him. Therefore, they feel they must begin by generating a high degree of spiritual sorrow, hunger, and love in order to get Christ's presence. Then they must somehow maintain this if they are going to 'stay saved'. So functionally--that is, in actual reality--a church is teaching the idea that we are saved because of the level of our faith. But the gospel says that we are saved through our faith. The first approach really makes our performance the savior, and the second makes Christ's performance the Savior. It is not the level but the object of our faith that saves us."

-Tim Keller

Sunday, May 13, 2012

He Refuses to Play That Game

1 Timothy 1:15-- "Jesus Christ came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief."


Keller comments,

"Not I was chief, but I am chief. Or 'I am the worst.' This is off our maps. We are not used to someone who has incredible confidence volunteering the opinion that they are one of the worst people. We are not used to someone who is totally honest and totally aware of all sorts of moral flaws--yet has incredible poise and confidence.

We cannot do that. Do you know why? Because we are judging ourselves. But Paul will not do that. When he says that he does not let the Corinthians judge him nor will he judge himself, he is saying that he knows about his sins but he does not connect them to himself and his identity. His sins and his identity are not connected. He refuses to play that game. He does not see a sin and let it destroy his sense of identity. He will not make a connection. Neither does he see an accomplishment and congratulate himself...So, although he knows himself to be the chief of sinners, that fact is not going to stop him from doing all the things that he is called to do."


Tim Keller, The Freedom of Self-forgetfulness, p.30 (emphasis added)



Thursday, November 17, 2011

Winnie the Pooh Theology

Winnie the Pooh: "You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think!"

Tim the Pastor: "You are more sinful than you could ever dare imagine, yet more loved an accepted than you could ever dare hope"

Paul the Apostle: "Indeed I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord"

"Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!"

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Lewis on Theology and The Gospel

C.S. Lewis, responding to an acquaintance who claimed his experience with God was all he needed to know him

"Now in a sense I quite agreed with that man. I think he had probably a real experience of God in the desert. And when he turned from that experience to the Christian creeds, I think he really was turning from something real, to something less real. In the same way, if a man has once looked at the Atlantic from the beach, and then goes and looks at a map of the Atlantic, he also will be turning from something real to something less real: turning form real waves to a bit of colored paper. But here comes the point. The map is admittedly only colored paper, but there are two things you have to remember about it. In the first place, it is based on what hundreds and thousands of people have found out by sailing the real Atlantic. In that way it has behind it masses of experience just as real as the one you could have from the beach; only, while yours would be a single isolated glimpse, the map fits all those different experiences together. In the second place, if you want to go anywhere, the map is absolutely necessary. As long as you are content with walks on the beach, your own glimpses are far more fun than looking at a map. But the map is going to be more use than walks on the beach if you want to get to America."

Later in the same piece Lewis expounds on the differences between other religions and Christianity, a thread that Keller has drawn out

For when you get down to it, is not the popular idea of Christianity simply this: that Jesus Christ was a great moral teacher and that if only we took his advice we might be able to establish a better social order and avoid another war? now, mind you, that is quite true. But it tells you much less than the whole truth about Christianity and it has no practical importance at all. It is quite true that if we took Christ's advice, we should soon be living in a happier world. You need not even go as far as Christ. If we did all that Plato or Aristotle or Confucius told us, we should get on a great deal better than we do. And so what? We have never followed the advice of the great teachers. Why are we likely to begin now? Why are we more likely to follow Christ than any of the others? Because He is the vest moral teacher? But that makes it even less likely that we shall follow Him. If we cannot take the elementary lessons, is it likely we are going to take the most advanced one: If Christianity only means one more bit of good advice, then Christianity is of no importance. There has been no lack of good advice for the last four thousand years. A bit more makes no difference. But as soon as you look at any real Christian writings, you find that they are talking about something quite different from this popular religion..."

Readings From C.S. Lewis, "The Joyful Christian." p. 33-35

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Identity, Idolatry, and the Gospel (part 2)


So put bluntly, in modern terms, Herod was a tool. Cocky. He thought he was the man, and wanted everyone to know it. He was that guy in the clubs with the popped collar, stunner shades on, hair gelled stiff, using money like napkins. Think Jersey Shore.

Throwing dirt Lebron style on the top of Mount Carmel
As Jeremiah and I considered this individual, we asked ourselves an important question. What about the human heart leads to action such as this? Herod’s behavior certainly isn’t anachronistic. We’ve seen power trips like this all throughout history, and we still see them today. Trump. Where’s the commonality? That common denominator is idolatry. The sin of idolatry subtly ravages the human heart. Idolatry can be defined as looking to other things to provide the comfort, satisfaction, joy, peace, security, and rest that only God can provide. Ask yourself the question, “If only I had _______, then I would be OK.” Or, “As long as _________ continues to happen, then I’m OK.” Fill in the blank. For Herod it was power. It was control. As long as he was in control, and could CLEARLY demonstrate it, he was ok. Herod was defined by lavishness and opulence. It could be different for you. Financial security? Family? Job? Marriage? Social status? Car? House? Education? Sex? Influence? What is the one thing in your life that if you lost it, you would be utterly devastated? An idol is anything more important to you than God, anything that absorbs your heart and imagination more than God, anything you seek to give you what only God can give.

Now keep in mind Jeremiah’s last sentence. “We met Jesus.” We’re going there. I want to be clear on why we are going there before we do.

Jeremiah and I looked at Herod’s idolatrous situation, and ultimately ours, in terms of a two-fold identity. After a particular lecture in Caesarea, Jeremiah came up to me and applied these concepts of passive identity and active identity. Passive identity includes the factors you are defined by that are outside of your control. For example, your parents. Your neighborhood. Basically, the culture you were born into. This is very formative, and provides foundational nourishment through adolescence. Yet there comes a point where the individual delves deeper into personal autonomy.

We’ll call this active identity. From Jeremiah’s and my experience, we’ve seen this happen somewhere in the teens. At this point, the individual has had sufficient experience in the world, and starts making moves. Affections are stirred in particular directions, toward different things. Individuals start deciding who they want to be. What they want to be known for. This life long process of active identity and personal autonomy is an idolatrous incubator. You, me, and Herod place our identity and affections in these things that allure our hearts so effectively.

So what does Jesus have to do with this? In accordance with our trip, I want to demonstrate the character of God and idolatry through the Old Testament. This will help us make sense of Jesus. We are led to 1 Kings 18, where Elijah defeats the prophets of Baal at Mount Carmel. This was a site we were blessed to visit a few weeks back.

The purpose for Elijah’s contest was to directly confront the idol of the Israelites.  King Ahab and Queen Jezebel were promoting a pluralistic society in Israel. They saw no problem with worshipping Baal one day, and the Lord on the Sabbath. The case is no different in our present day. We live in a society that is absolutely deistically pluralistic. In the text, Baal was not a concrete god as we see with other ancient gods like Zeus. Baal was understood in more of a generic sense. There was a Baal for everything, such as water, food, and land.  In our culture, these Baals still exist. Everything can be a Baal, and everything has been a Baal. How many times in our culture do we see success on TV, and think, “if only I had that, I would be ok?” When we see perfect women on billboards and think “if only I looked like that” or “if only I could date a girl that looked like her.” The possibilities are endless. There are Baals all around us. We undoubtedly live in Elijah’s pluralistic society.

            With idols all around us, it is imperative to identify these idols. In the text we see the NIV translation say “they danced around the altar they had made…so they shouted louder and slashed themselves with swords and spears, as was their custom, until their blood flowed.” In their calling to Baal, we see the prophets do three things. They danced, they shouted louder, and finally they slashed themselves until their blood flowed.  These are perfect characteristics and demonstrations of how we act with our Baals. Our Baals need appeasement. They are demanding. They require performance. We dance for them.  When something has captured our hearts so intently that we will do anything to acquire them, we have been enticed by a Baal.

 In recent years Madonna has expressed that the only reason she keeps going, the only reason she keeps writing new songs is because she can only stay on the top of the charts for so long. She needs the feeling of that number one spot. It’s the same with athletes who cannot bring themselves to retire despite an age that screams laz-e-boy (Jordan with the Wizards?). After the economic crisis hit in 2008, a string of suicides followed among the formerly wealthy. These included David Kellerman, the chief financial officer of Freddie Mac. Another suicide following the crisis was Cristen Schnor, a Danish banker who hanged himself in a London hotel. Their Baals were their identity. Their Baals demanded performance. When we do not appease our idols, or get what we want from them, we shout louder. We try harder. When our idols ultimately leave us empty, when we call out and get no response, our worlds crumble. Our idols demand our blood, and it gushes out in pursuit of them.

            In the midst of our despair, we have a more beautiful remedy than we could ever imagine, and it lies within the place in which the fire came down. “Then the fire of the Lord fell and consumed the burnt offering and the wood and the stones and the dust, and licked up the water that was in the trench.” The fire did not fall on the Israelites watching, or further off into the mountains, but the fire fell on the sacrifice. The sacrifice on the mount defeated the idol, and was the means by which people believed.” The character of God as seen through the Old Testament is to save idolatrous sinners by means of sacrifice. Familiar, huh? Enter Jesus.

 In the same way, Jesus sacrificed Himself on Mount Calvary to eliminate our idols. He took the fire of God’s judgment on our behalf, so that we may experience the fire of God’s love. Contrary to our false gods who say “slash yourself for me,” Jesus, out of adoration, slashed Himself for us. His blood flowed in our place. Not due to our performance, not because we deserve it, but because He already loved us-because of His pure, satisfactory delight in us as we are now. The remedy from our idols, the cure for our Baals, is not an increase in performance or effort, but instead resting in Christ’s finished work on the cross. “For He was pierced for our transgression, He was crushed for our iniquity. The punishment that brought us peace was upon Him, and by His wounds we are healed.”

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Western Wall, Religion, and the Gospel

Two nights ago we had the unique opportunity of going to the Western Wall during Shabbat, which is the Jewish Sabbath. As I drew closer to the wall I encountered an increasing number of men, dressed identically, bowing back and forth with great fervor, praying with what seemed like a mouth full of fear and angst. Their eyes were tight, bodies tensed, fingers frantically racing across the pages of the torah. These men were certainly religious. But is their religion joy giving? Or slave driving? Where was the gospel? Where was the “good news?”

Tim Keller, Pastor of Redeemer Church in NYC explains the difference between religion and the gospel.
            Religion says, “I obey, therefore I am accepted.”
            The Gospel says, “I am accepted unconditionally, therefore I obey.”

Do you see the paradigm shift? I believe these men at the wall two nights back were very, very religious. This notion of religion pervades our culture. Our visceral instincts breed religion. Think of a resume before an exacting boss. Religion says we have to clean up our act before we can be presentable before God. I believe this religion was prevalent at the wall two nights ago, and I reject it.

 Conversely, The gospel of Jesus Christ is the good news that it is finished. We no longer have to work for our acceptance. No hoops to jump through. This is the essence of freedom. Our loveliness in God’s sight is not contingent on our action. Again, we must ask ourselves, how do we know? How can we be sure? The answer again, as always, is look to the cross. Just look at it. What happened here? Why is the cross significant? All other religions are essentially man’s endless pursuit of God. The cross is a bold, cosmic statement of eternal, everlasting significance that shows God’s endless pursuit of man. It flips this notion of religion completely on its head.

Now, because of Christ, we no longer have to live under a cloud of fear, constantly wondering if we are acceptable before God. Jesus was sent to the cross to absorb the full weight of sin, and suffer in our place. No more fear. No more ritual. No more angst. Not tensed. We’re freed from the shackles of justifying our existence through our job, parenting, kid’s success, relationships, social status, grades, financial security, accomplishments, and morality. Through the lens of the gospel we ask ourselves, “how do we qualify?” The answer now is…know we don’t. Our disqualification is our qualification.   Because of Christ, we have full confidence that the God of eternal, soul-satisfying comfort is looking down on us, so proud of us he could bust.

Do we still see God as an exacting boss looming over our heads, examining every action? Do we see him as a slave driver? Do we see him as some quasi-deity that we must allure with our action and ritual? Or do we see him as a loving father, Immanuel, God with us, guiding our path and eagerly anticipating our arrival home?

Galatians 4:3-7 – In the same way we also, when we were children, were enslaved to the elementary principles of the world. But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!” So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God.”

Thursday, May 19, 2011

What is the Bible Basically About?

A class earlier today brought this video back to my attention

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Overcome My Unbelief

Mark 9:24 - "Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, 'I believe; help my unbelief!'"


Theoretically, mentally, conceptually, intellectually, topically--Yes, I would say I believe in the gospel of Jesus

Yet

Practically, functionally, experientially--My heart is riddled with idolatry. My action, my sense of inner peace, the true rest of my soul--TRUE rest--the deepest, calming, chaos-ending sigh of the soul--simply does not reflect or depend on what I'm claiming theoretically, mentally, etc.

Therefore

Just like the father of the possessed boy, my deepest plea is that my entire being would be comprehensively convinced and absolutely swept away by the glorious grace that is in Christ, and that my unbelief would be overcome. It has to be external. My plea is for Jesus' accomplishment on the cross to accomplish the overcoming my unbelief.

The most beautiful thing is, He surely has done it, and he surely will do it.

"Through Jesus we don't need perfect righteousness, just repentant helplessness, to access the presence of God." - Tim Keller

Just repentant helplessness.


Colossians 2:14-15 - God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross. He disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them in him.


Lord, in Him, disarm the rulers and authorities of our hearts.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Too Good Not To Repost

King's Cross. Chapter 5. The Power.

Keller, commenting on Mark 4:35-41


"Jesus says, 'One greater than Jonah is here,' and he's referring to himself: I'm the true Jonah. He meant this: Someday I'm going to calm all storms, still all waves. I'm going to destroy destruction, break brokenness, kill death. how can he do that? He can do it only because when he was on the cross he was thrown--willingly, like Jonah--into the ultimate storm, under the ultimate waves, the waves of sin and death. Jesus was thrown into the only storm that can actually sink us--the storm of eternal justice, of what we owe for our wrongdoing. that storm wasn't calmed--not until it swept him away.

If the sight of Jesus bowing his head into that ultimate storm is burned into the core of your being, you will never say, 'God, don't you care?' And if you know that he did not abandon you in that ultimate storm, what makes you think he would abandon you in the much smaller storms you're experiencing right now? And, someday, of course, he will return and still all storms for eternity. 


If you let that penetrate to the very center of your being, you will know he loves you. You will know he cares. And then you will have the power to handle anything in life with poise." (p. 57-58, my emphasis)


In the middle of any storm, even the most tempestuous hurricane, he is infinitely more powerful. He can, has, and will subdue the storm like a compliant child. In the midst of my storms, I have him, and he is more than enough. 




Saturday, February 19, 2011

A Strange Melancholy

Alexis de Tocqueville was a French aristocrat who lived in the 1800s. He was known as a political thinker, and his most famous work was Democracy in America. During his investigations of America and its political structure, he noted the following, as quoted in Tim Keller's Counterfeit Gods.
"A strange melancholy that haunts the inhabitants...in the midst of abundance..."
About one hundred years later C.S. Lewis stumbled upon the same conclusion:
"There is something we have grasped at, in that first moment of longing, which just fades away in the reality..." 
de Tocqueville concludes:
"the incomplete joys of this world will never satisfy the human heart."
And Lewis, simply and famously:
"something has evaded us."
Colossians 3:1-5 - Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.

Incomplete joys. idolatry. Anything can be an idol, and just about everything has been. Its usually the best things that are.

Keller on rooting out our idols:
Idolatry is not just a failure to obey God, it is a setting of the whole heart on something besides God.   This cannot be remedied only by repenting that you have an idol, or using willpower to try to live differently. Turning from idols is not less than those two things, but it is also far more. 'setting the mind and heart on things above' where 'your life is hid with Christ in God' means appreciation, rejoicing, and resting in what Jesus has done for you. It entails joyful worship, a sense of God's reality in prayer. Jesus must become more beautiful to your imagination, more attractive to your heart, than your idol.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Your Own Making

"The depth of the wound is your own making" -Tim Keller

Whatever you are going through in life--whatever consumes your thought, soul, and deed in a negative way, is ultimately, our fault.

All external factors in this life can and will impose themselves on us, yes, in a negative way. The particular action--job loss, failure as a parent, failed class, broken relationship, unrequited love, broken or troubled marriage, general anxiety, physical illness, general disappointment, faulty finances, overworked, etc.-- may have been imposed on us in an unjust way to the point where we are the victim by any standard.

But-- to the extent that we let that event ravage our soul, to the extent that our okayness--our feeling of being justified--is linked to that particular event is our fault. 


The depth of that wound is a direct reflection of our distrust in Christ's sufficiency. Every time we are met with a form of struggle, we must filter it through the gospel. The world imposes it on us and it may be unjust, but the moment it reaches us the gospel is thoroughly sufficient to ease the anxiety of our souls.

Here's the beauty. The only thing that will ever span the chasm of our wounds are His wounds. Isaiah 53. period. Our hope is external. Our idolatry--no matter how rampant--cannot cannot cannot affect our ravishing hope that is in Christ Jesus. If it were up to us to apply that filter, we would be absolutely wrecked. Christ makes his glory and mercy so evident that he directly intercedes on our behalf. If it were up to me, I'd be screwed. Seriously. Praise be to God.

1 Peter 1:3-9 - Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith--more precious than gold that perishes through it is tested by fire--may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Counterfeit Love

Some random quotes from the chapter entitled "Love is Not All You Need" from Keller's Counterfeit Gods


"She had come to look to men for the kind of deep affirmation and acceptance that only God can provide. As a result, she became a slave to love."
"We know a good thing has become a counterfeit god when its demands on you exceed proper boundaries."
"An idolatrous attachment can lead you to break any promise, rationalize any indiscretion, or betray any other allegiance, in order to hold on to it...to practice idolatry is to be a slave."
"We look to sex and romance to give us the transcendence and sense of meaning we used to get from faith in God."
"We maintain the fantasy that if we find our one true soul mate, everything wrong with us will be healed. But when our expectations and hopes reach that magnitude, 'the love object is God.' No lover, no human being, is qualified for that role. No one can live up to that. The inevitable result is bitter disillusionment."
"If you are too afraid of love or too enamored by it, it has assumed godlike power, distorting your perceptions and your life."
"Our fears and inner barrenness make love a narcotic, a way to medicate ourselves, and addicts always make foolish, destructive choices."

In the midst of rampant idolatry of love and relationships, I desperately pray that my heart would be utterly overtaken by the following joy-giving, everlasting, exuberant, sufficient truth


"The God of the Bible is the one who comes down into this world to accomplish a salvation and give us a grace we could never attain ourselves. He loves the unwanted, the weak and unloved. He is not just a king and we are the subjects; he is not just a shepherd and we are the sheep. He is a husband and we are his spouse. He is ravished with us."
"Why did he become the man nobody wanted? For you and for me. He took upon himself our sins and died in our place. If we are deeply moved by the sight of his love for us, it detaches our hearts from other would-be saviors. We stop trying to redeem ourselves through our pursuits and relationships, because we are already redeemed. We stop trying to make others into saviors, because we have a Savior."

Colossians 3:1-4 - Your life is hidden with Christ in God... and when Christ who is your life appears, you will appear with him in glory."


"Thou art my loveliness, my life, my light, Beauty alone to me."

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Keller, Generous Justice

"For indeed, grace is the key to it all. It is not our lavish good deeds that procure salvation, but God's lavish love and mercy...It is the generosity of God, the freeness of his salvation, that lays the foundation for the society of justice for all."

Generous Justice p. 40

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Going to Bed with Rachel, Waking up with Leah

No, I'm not the biggest covenant breaking player at Wheaton College.

~Rather the following, from Tim Keller's sermon, "The Struggle for Love."

Genesis 29:16-25 "Now Laban had two daughters. The name of the older was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. Leah's eyes were weak, but Rachel was beautiful in form and appearance. Jacob loved Rachel. And he said, 'I will serve you seven years for your younger daughter Rachel.' Laban said, 'It is better that I give her to you than that I should give her to any other man; stay with me' So Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed to him but a few days because of the love he had for her. Then Jacob said to Laban, 'Give me my wife that I may go in to her, for my time is completed.' So Laban gathered together all the people of the place and made a feast. But in the evening he took his daughter Leah and brought her to Jacob, and he went in to her. And in the morning, behold, it was Leah! And Jacob said to Laban, 'What is this you have done to me? Did I not serve with you for Rachel? Why then have you deceived me?'"


A very relevant look into Jacob's heart, gripped by idolatry. 3 things-

1) Our hearts have an impulsive inclination to serve idols- "Rachel was beautiful in form and appearance. Jacob loved Rachel. And he said, 'I will serve you seven years for your younger daughter Rachel.' 

This process is not slow by any means. Rachel was beautiful. Jacob must have her. Jacob will go to any length to get her. Immediately Jacob's heart was enticed.

2) We serve our idols and ignore the gargantuan warning signs slapping us in the face- "'I will serve you seven years for your younger daughter Rachel.' Laban said, 'It is better that I give her to you than that I should give her to any other man.'"


In the midst of a clear deal offered by Jacob- seven years of service for Rachel- Laban's answer was not "Yes, it is a deal. 7 years of work, and you get Rachel." Instead its vague. He does not say yes, but Jacob's idolatrous heart heard yes. Idolatry blinds us.

3) Idols will always let us down- "And in the morning, behold, it was Leah! And Jacob said to Laban, 'What is this you have done to me? Did I not serve with you for Rachel? Why then have you deceived me?'" 


When our hearts wake up in the morning after a stint of idolatry, it will always be Leah. In all of life, through every aspect, there will always be a foundation of cosmic disappointment. You will not lead a wise life until you know that.

CS Lewis captures Keller's point:

"Most people, if they have really learned to look into their own hearts, would know that they do want, and want acutely, something that cannot be had in this world. There are all sorts of things in this world that offer to give it to you, but they never quite keep their promise. The longings which arise in us when we first fall in love, or first think of some foreign country, or first take up some subject that excites us, are longings which no marriage, no travel, no learning, can really satisfy. I am not now speaking of what would be ordinarily called unsuccessful marriages, or holidays, or learned careers. I am speaking of the best possible ones. There was something we have grasped at, in that first moment of longing, which just fades away in the reality. I think everyone knows what i mean. The wife may be a good wife, and the hotels and scenery may have been excellent, and chemistry may be a very interesting job: but something has evaded us."


Anything we put in place of God - anything we look to for the satisfaction, joy, and peace that only God can provide - our "Rachels" - will ultimately dash us... a relationship, kids, our career, morality, education, performance, sex, power, fame, friends, sports, social status, or the number of hits on your blog website...all of these will destroy us if put in place of God


Praise be to Jesus for truly being the one my soul longs for and surely satisfying all of my longings. For rescuing me from my idols. For being the object that will never evade me. For justifying me. For being my peace, satisfaction, and joy.